Whenever Newcastle United’s fortunes begin to decline, I look for a bit of schadenfreude.
Not for the first time in recent seasons, I think: “At least I’m not cursed for being a Salfords supporter.”
This week’s episode of the never-ending soap opera, appropriately set in the Coronation Street neighborhood, features an exiled Geordie and a Portuguese prima donna.
The action moves from the training ground to the shores of Lake Como, a beautiful part of northern Italy, although I doubt many fans of the club formerly known as Newton Heath would list this holiday paradise among their favourites.
A quick recap: Manchester United, coached by the aforementioned Geordie Michael Carrick, are languishing in the Premier League and travel to Italy having won just two of their 10 games domestically or in Europe.
Carrick, who won 12 of his 17 games in charge last season and guided Manchester United back to the Champions League, was handed a two-year deal in the summer, ending a two-year absence.
On October 13, they lost 2:0 to “Atletico” in Madrid. I think Salford played pretty well that night considering they conceded a goal in the first minute and had a player sent off in the second half. Carrick had set them up to put pressure on the Spaniards, although the players demanded it, not exactly renowned for their high work rate.
This is the message I wrote to my friend that night in five minutes: “Carrick’s formation is strange, expecting Bruno Fernandes and Marcus Rashford to shut down defenders with high pressing.” As expected, they didn’t work hard enough. Who would have thought?
Last season, Bruno Fernandes was named Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year, Premier League Player of the Season and PFA Player of the Year.
He is definitely the best player when he sings. The same goes for Rashford, although his career has rarely returned to the dizzying heights of his early days. Besides their many talents, they have another common trait: when the going gets tough, they’re conspicuously poor (though not monetarily).
The Salfords soap opera moved from Spain to Italy with a credible weekend draw at Elland Road, where the only real United were beaten and beaten by a rampant Leeds side earlier this season.
Any encouragement Michael Carrick and his players had from this away point quickly disappeared against Comeau, who scored in the second minute. And the 49th, 57th and 76th. Although not the 4-1 defeat that grabbed the headlines on Wednesday night and Thursday morning, a half-time goal was no consolation for the visitors.
These were caused by the words of Bruno Fernandes. Rashford was not in the squad on Wednesday night, one of nine players who could not feature due to injury.
In an interview just minutes after the referee struck to put Salfords out of their misery, the captain said: “It’s a staff decision not to press man to man and sometimes to leave space behind and try to get the ball, but sometimes when you give these teams a lot of the ball, they gain confidence.”
Asked if Carrick’s tactics were wrong, Fernandes replied: “It’s up to the manager and the employee to see that, not me. Sometimes you have to be braver under pressure, you have to take the risk of high pressure. [the opposition] worried.”
Surprisingly, he can pass the ball more effectively than pass it. Don’t you just love it when a rival club washes their dirty laundry in public?
In the post-match press conference, Carrick was asked what he thought of the midfielder’s comments. His answer was as carefully composed as sentences burning blue tissue paper. “No matter what system you play, what tactics you use, there’s a little bit, if you don’t run and run forward and run back, you’re not going to win.”
One constant in the ever-changing world of this hilarious soap opera is the lack of running compared to the opposition. At times, their play has looked like walking football this season.
Carrick did not hide his unhappiness. “We have a lot of values at this football club; what we stand for and how we want to go about it. We can win, we can lose, but the way we went tonight was not acceptable.”
You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot to read between the lines. The bookies certainly didn’t miss the hint, quickly making Carrick the most likely of all 20 Premier League managers to be sacked.
Some of Old Trafford’s biggest cheerleaders, such as Rio Ferdinand, were delighted to see Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, a fan favorite as a player, appointed as manager in 2018. “Ole drives the bus!” they shouted. When he was laid off three years later, Carrick started working as a carer for a few weeks.
Then Ralf Rangnick, one of Matthias Jaissle’s biggest influences, took over “interim manager” for the rest of the season. He was followed in May 2022 by Erik ten Haag, who lasted two seasons and three months. Unfortunately, his side beat Eddie Howe’s side in the 2023 League Cup final, then won the FA Cup in 2024, denying Newcastle United the prospect of a European campaign in the 2024–25 season.
Ruud van Nistelrooy served as interim manager for two weeks. Ruben Amorim succeeded him, but this was his only success: he was fired after 14 months. Darren Fletcher stepped into the breach in the week before Carrick took over in January this year.
Ever since Eddie Howe moved to Tyneside, I’ve been calling it the Magnificent Seven. He sadly left on July 30. Unsurprisingly, Carrick is singled out for the chance to lose his job.
Forget about driving a bus. Some players at Old Trafford seem intent on throwing the boss under him.